


How To Take Care of Your Resident Cat

by sunshinebloom



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cute Kozume Kenma, Fluff, KuroKen - Freeform, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Boyfriend, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25330048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinebloom/pseuds/sunshinebloom
Summary: In which Kuroo is going off to college and he writes an instructional manual so his cute boyfriend can be taken care of even if he's away.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 12
Kudos: 153





	How To Take Care of Your Resident Cat

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗧𝗼 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗖𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗢𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗖𝗮𝘁 (𝗔𝗞𝗔 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲)

𝘈𝘯 𝘐𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘔𝘢𝘯𝘶𝘢𝘭  
by Kuroo Tetsurou

𝘔𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳  
Whoever is brave enough to face Kozume Kenma.

𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘍𝘰𝘳 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨  
I'm going off to college, someone has to take care of one (1) Kozume Kenma.

𝘊𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘴  
Has had Kozume Kenma as a best friend for 18 years. Kozume Kenma's boyfriend of two years and three months (and counting).

-

How to: 𝗪𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮  
Open the blinds. Let the sunshine peek through his room. If Kozume Kenma is in a blanket cocoon, unwrap him until he's free. He will grumble and glare at you but that's normal. If he stands up, then consider it a success.

How to: 𝗪𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 (𝟮)  
If you're reading this, then Plan A probably failed. Be grateful that the alphabet has 26 letters.

Bring him coffee. (Almost) Boiled water. 2 teaspoons of sugar. Black.

Leave it on the bedside table. A Kozume Kenma has a keen sense of smell. He WILL react to the coffee aroma and he WILL get up to drink it. Under no circumstances must his coffee ingredients be changed. I once put too much sugar and he almost threw the whole cup at me.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴  
You don't. A Kozume Kenma will probably fight you and block you for asking him to stop playing for a whole day. I did once. It was traumatizing.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝟮)  
Perhaps you have now realized that you cannot make a Kozume Kenma stay away from games. However, you can certainly make him stop for a little while.

Ｓｔｅｐ １： Ask him nicely. Though this has a low success rate (12%), it doesn't hurt to try.

Ｓｔｅｐ ２： Confiscate his gadgets. If he has nothing to play with, then you have no problem. It doesn't work for long periods of time (4 hours at most).

Ｓｔｅｐ ３： Make a promise. Assure him that you will not do anything to harm his gadgets. Promise him that it will come back to him with no so much as a scratch.

Ｓｔｅｐ ４： He will probably give it up now. Take care of his gadgets or else you'll have to sleep with an eye open. He spent too much money on that.

If you followed all of the steps correctly, then congratulations, you've made a Kozume Kenma stop playing for the meantime.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗘𝗮𝘁  
Take away his gadgets. Reread the last point for reference. Promise to him that you'll give it back safe and sound, or else he won't trust you to take his babies away.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗘𝗮𝘁 (𝟮)  
Beware of his cute eyes. He WILL use it against you. Under no circumstances must you fall for it. He WILL take advantage of you and he WILL get his Switch back. He WILL play until his food is cold and forgotten, too focused on his game to care.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗘𝗮𝘁 (𝟯)  
Apple pies. It is one of Kozume Kenma's favorite. He will eat if you bribe him into getting apple pie for dessert. Do not use this tactic too much, chances are high that he will get used to it.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆  
Let him play video games. A playing Kozume Kenma is a happy Kozume Kenma. Beware of the game he's playing because once he loses, he will probably become sadder and will definitely stay up all night playing games while wallowing in sadness.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 (𝟮)  
Give him an apple pie. Apple pies are one of the few things that make Kozume Kenma smile. Homemade apple pies are the best. Give him some and he will eat it with a smile.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 (𝟯)  
Send him memes. It may seem like it irritates him but deep inside, Kozume Kenma is probably laughing. Plus points if it's game-related.

How to: 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗔 𝗞𝗼𝘇𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗺𝗮 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝘆 (𝟰)  
Give him cuddles. And head pats. A Kozume Kenma may appear cold and emotionless, but he's actually a ball of fluff once you get to know him. A Kozume Kenma is like a cat. It may seem like he's irritated, but deep inside, he's actually enjoying it. Trust me. I know

If all else fails, call Kuroo Tetsurou. Kozume Kenma may look like he's had enough of him, but he's one of the few people that can make him burst out laughing. Kuroo Tetsurou will drive for one and a half hours to where Kozume Kenma is, with no hesitation, in cases of Code Red Emergency.

(Code Red Emergency: A Crying Kozume Kenma)

𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥  
by Kuroo Tetsurou

𝙄𝙛 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠, 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙩 𝙭𝙭𝙭-𝙭𝙭𝙭-𝙭𝙭𝙭, 𝙆𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙤 𝙏𝙚𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙆𝙚𝙣𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙨.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed this!!
> 
> shout at me in my twt @tsukkiyamaluvr


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